Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
