two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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