We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
