I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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