she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
