Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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