Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
