I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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