thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
