the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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