why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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