She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
