I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
