you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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