Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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