This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
