Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
