He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We are two peas in an std pod
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
