The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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