My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
