every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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