Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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