Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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