so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
