We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
