i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
