Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
