that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
