I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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