duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
