Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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