After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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