About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
