dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
