I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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