Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
