Is it because I queefed?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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