why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
