I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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