So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
