Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
