and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
