He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
