i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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