im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I want to be your penis for a week.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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