the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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