Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dignity is for republicans.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
