Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
