I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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