omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
