Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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