I smell stomach acid.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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