i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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