we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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