The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
