He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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