i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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