Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
