no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
