bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
