Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
