Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
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