Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize