I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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