This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
